South Park (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) – Season premiere. There are so, so many things on tonight, but I’m leading with South Park because this episode features Cartman going up against the NSA and Butters doing this. These are good things.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia/The League (FXX, 10-11:00 p.m.) – The Rafi and Dirty Randy episode of The League is tonight. Here is the description: “When their friend is murdered, Rafi and Dirty Randy (Seth Rogen) head to L.A. to avenge his death and break into the mainstream porn business.” YES.
Revolution (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) – Season premiere. I totally forgot this show existed until about two days ago. I am great at my job.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) – Season premiere. This is the 15th season of SVU. That’s an awful lot of perverts.
Back in the Game/Modern Family (ABC, 8:30-10:00 p.m.) – Series premiere of Back in the Game, followed by the one-hour season premiere of Modern Family. Luke and Manny start high school tonight. I’m sure it will go very smoothly.
Broadchurch (BBC America, 9:00 p.m.) – Season finale. Danny’s killer is revealed tonight. How hilarious would it be if the killer turns out to be an alien and everyone freaks out about it tomorrow? I would give that ending 3 out of 4 The Killings.
Nashville (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) – From TV Guide: “Deacon awaits sentencing while Rayna lies in a coma. Elsewhere, Teddy tries to come to terms with the news of Peggy’s pregnancy; and Maddie, still reeling from the revelation about her true paternity, confides in Juliette.” Holy hell. Big week for the Nashville medical community.
The Bridge (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Last week’s episode was DARK. AS. SH*T. Another one like that and I might turn into a psychotic serial killer who is hell-bent on revenge and willing to take drastic measures to get it.
The Getaway (Esquire Network, 9:00 p.m.) – Series premiere. This is that show we told you about a while back that is produced by Anthony Bourdain and features celebrities going to locations around the world to serve as tour guides. Joel McHale drinks his way through Belfast tonight. I’ll give it a shot.
Breaking Bad Marathon (AMC, 8:00 p.m.) – Reminder: AMC is running every episode of Breaking Bad leading up to this Sunday’s finale. Someone somewhere is going to try to stay awake to watch the whole marathon. They will be dead by Saturday afternoon. R.I.P. that person.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jon Hamm is on Kimmel; Robin Williams is on Letterman; Julia Stiles and Keke Palmer on Ferguson; Dana Carvey, Cee Lo Green, and a GOODIE MOB PERFORMANCE on Leno; Michael J. Fox and Blake Shelton on Fallon; and Charlie Day, Rob McElhenney and Glenn Howerton from It’s Always Sunny on Conan.