Last night, Special Olympics CEO Tim Shriver was Stephen Colbert’s guest on “The Colbert Report,” and the entire interview (see video below) was centered on Shriver’s campaign to get people to stop using the word “retarded” to describe people with mental disabilities. It’s actually a fun interview to watch — Shriver makes a well-reasoned argument, and Colbert’s final word on the subject is a line drive out of the park, a metaphor I chose on account of the baseball season starting today.
However, as I watched this, I couldn’t help but think, “Who actually calls disabled people ‘retarded’ any more?” I certainly respect Shriver’s desires as far as Special Olympians are considered, but I’ll goddamned if I’m going to stop calling Jeff Zucker a retard.
Other people, programs, and items for which the word “retarded” is applicable:
- The Situation
- Matt Millen
- “Bachelor” Brad Womack
- MTV since it stopped airing music videos
- Anyone who cries on a reality show
- People who watch TLC
- Justin Bieber
- Justin Bieber fans
- Anyone holding a copy of Us Magazine
- Hollywood executives
- The Reality Rocks Expo
- Audrina Patridge
- Guy Fieri
And so on. I don’t have all day.