This Barack Obama, he can’t get no respect. He once went to the zoo and when the elephants saw him, they were like, “Who’s this guy with the big ears?” If that’s the kind of lightly satirical, yet ultimately harmless joke you can’t get enough of, then the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which occurred last night, is the roast for you.
To be fair to Obama, though, his material — surely crafted by an entire army of Bruce Vilanchs — was pretty good:
-“Look. I get it. These days I look in the mirror, and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim Socialist that I used to be.”
-“I go out on the basketball court. Took 22 shots. Made two of them! That’s right: Two hits, 20 misses. The executives at NBC asked, ‘What’s your secret?'”
-“I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is, I admire their commitment to cover all sides of the story. Just in case one of them happens to be accurate.”
-“But the problem is the media landscape is changing so rapidly. You can’t keep up with it. I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2 a.m.”
-“One thing they [the GOP] all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities. And look, call me self-centered. But I can think of one minority they can start with. Hello! Think of me a trial run, you know? See how it goes!”
-“Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell? they ask. Really? Why don’t YOU get a drink with Mitch McConnell?” (Via)
That last one’s solid. After Obama’s 20+ minutes of material, out came headliner Conan O’Brien.
-“The guys from Duck Dynasty are here. Which means one thing: The guys from Storage Wars said no.”
-“No offense, Mr. President. I do congratulate you on your victory. But as a late-night comedian, I was kinda pulling for the rich guy whose horse danced in the Olympics.”
-“I see The Huffington Post has a table. Yeah! Which has me wondering, if you’re here, who’s covering Miley Cyrus’ latest nip slip? Who’s assembling today’s Top 25 Yogurt-Related Tweets? Seven Mistakes You’re Making With Bacon. That’s a real one and you should be ashamed of yourselves!”
-“Matt Drudge couldn’t make it. He had a prior commitment to teach a Web design class in 1997.” (Via)
So…Conan was instructed to let Obama have the better jokes, then? Anyway, other notable moments from the Dinner included a House of Cards parody, with appearances from Valerie Jarrett, John McCain, and Kevin Spacey.
A segment about Steven Spielberg directing a movie about Obama starring Daniel Day-Lewis.
Two important GIFs: this one from the White House’s Tumblr:
And Obama’s feelings on Hova’s recent trip to Cuba:
Combine the two, and you’ve got “Dirt Off Your Shoulder.” Also, this happened:
Highlight of the night.