In what is essentially the single most effective anti-drug PSA ever made, a Tennessee marijuana dealer was recently robbed by two giant men in horrifying, bloody clown masks who broke into his home and ran off with cash, electronics, drugs, and, presumably, any chances that he will ever get a sound night of sleep again, because AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH THAT PICTURE OH GOD SHOOT IT SHOOT IT.
In fact, the victim, Matthew Dillard, was apparently so scared by the whole ordeal that he copped to being a drug dealer while he was reporting the robbery.
“When someone calls you and openly admits narcotics were stolen from their house, it just kind of speaks to the severity of the crime and how frightened this individual was,” said 23rd Judicial Drug Task Force Det. Michael Pate.
Normally I would have a little chuckle at the idea of a guy admitting to serious criminal activity while on the phone with police to report someone robbing him, but no, this time it’s understandable. Two bear-sized men kicking down your door while wearing nightmare fuel on their heads will make you want to get right with the Lord pretty quickly, I imagine.
Luckily, it appears the two suspects are off the streets, due mainly to the fact that at least one of them is a total idiot.
Then, Pate got a tip that, in such a bizarre case, sounded even more ridiculous. One of the alleged home invaders had posed in a Facebook photo with the mask he used to allegedly rob Dillard.
“And sure enough, we looked at the Facebook account. And one of the profile pictures was him wearing the clown mask that was described during the robbery,” Pate said. “We assembled a photo line-up of clown masks, and had the victim look at it, and he quickly identified the mask.”
This led investigators to 6’5″ 350-pound Leon “Tez” Henderson and 6’4″ 275-pound Isaac Hunter. Both men are now charged with aggravated armed robbery.
To recap: Matthew Dillard went through one of the most terrifying ordeals I can possibly imagine, then to help the police catch the men who wronged him, he had to look through A BINDER FILLED WITH PICTURES OF SCARY CLOWN MASKS.
You know what? I say we let him skate on the weed charges. He’s been through enough.