When people tell me they’re starting to watch Supernatural — another cult favorite which I assume will have at least some crossover fan base with American Horror Story — I tell them to just stop at season five. Just stop! Pretend it ended, move on with your life and be happy. I bring this up because we’re only about halfway in to American Horror Story: Freak Show and I have a feeling I’m going to be recommending the same, but only to stop four episodes in.
While those first four episodes of Freak Show were stellar, the last two have been sloppy and inconsistent. Almost nothing that happened during last night’s episode, “Bullseye,” made any cohesive sense, and everything that did happen seemed like it took a “throw sh*t to the wall and see what sticks” approach. Not to mention that the major storyline introduced last episode, in which Del was outed at being gay and Dandy kills his lover, was completely omitted.
Much of the episode, which takes place on Elsa’s birthday, deals with the disappearance of Bette and Dot — both from the standpoint of the freaks who don’t understand why they’d run away and the grifter who wants to sell their body parts to science. What’s still unclear is why the twins agreed to be “sold” to the Motts in the first place. And again, in this episode, two character deaths were heavily teased, but ultimately no casualties were made.
Anyway, here’s your weekly WTF moments. As in, WTF is going on here?
Elsa and Paul the Illustrated Seal Are F*cking, Because Why Not
In the previous five episodes, there has been nothing to suggest that Elsa and Paul had a romantic relationship. Why bring this up now? They already had enough to drive conflict between the two by Paul figuring out that Elsa sold the twins out without having to add an unnecessary and tacked on love triangle. Which, by the way — Penny, the candy striper who has not been seen since the first episode, is all of a sudden in love with one of the freaks whom she believed raped her while she was drugged, causing her to leave the freak show a broken mess? Okay. But I guess they had those extra 15 minutes to fill last night.
Post-Coitus, Elsa Sleeps With Ma Petite Like a Baby
Gross. And she was in the room the whole time during the sexy stuff? Gross. That’s all I have to say about that.
Not So Fast There, Bette-Dandy (Bandy?) ‘Shippers
So Bette and Dandy’s budding romance was cute for about five whole minutes, but just when you thought the love of a two-headed woman was enough to change his evil ways for good, of course Dandy went all psychotic boyfriend and read Dot’s diary. The cliffhanger seemed to imply that some sh*t was about to go down between Dandy, the twins and Jimmy but thanks to the scenes from next week’s episode it seems pretty clear that everyone survives.
Presented Without Commentary, My Favorite Moment From The Episode
“Well, hindsight is 20/20, dear.”
Paul Takes One For The Team
Earlier in the episode, Elsa drags out the giant bullseye because she’s still dumb enough that she thinks Stanley is going to make her a big Hollywood variety star. And you know what they say about a bullseye being introduced in the first act! When Paul later confronts Elsa about what he suspects, she goes full on drama queen meltdown accusing the performers of not appreciating and trusting her, which was of course a big manipulative play to get Paul to agree to be strapped to the wheel. (PSST: Next time aim for the heart!)
Esmeralda and Jimmy Are Finally An Item-ish
Last week Jimmy was like, “Esmeralda, we should run off together” and Esmeralda was like, “No thanks” — but this week Esmeralda is like, “Hey Jimmy we should like run off together wouldn’t that be a good idea?,” and Jimmy is like, “OKAY!” With Bette and Dot temporarily out of the equation, Stanley has his sights set on those lobster hands of Jimmy’s and for some reason not the flipper guy who already lies dying from a stab wound — so Esmeralda’s plan is to get out of dodge.
Esmeralda Doesn’t Kill Ma Petite
I bet you thought Esmeralda was going to kill Ma Petite, didn’t you? You probably thought this because there was that fantasy sequence where Esmeralda and Stanley kill Ma Petite and then Esmeralda actually leads Ma Petite to the tent and puts her in the same jar from the fantasy sequence and starts to pour chemicals in. Nope! They were just out catching fireflies all night. Fooled you!
In all seriousness, I am really glad that they didn’t kill off Ma Petite because that would have super bummed me out.
“I’ll Kill You With My Bare Hands If You Did Anything To Harm Those Girls.”
If there’s any payoff I could hope for coming out of this episode, Kathy Bates and Jessica Lange throwing down certainly would not be the worst consolation prize.
