02.23.09 9 years ago 5 Comments

There have been a lot of complaints about the Oscars over the years: it’s too long, the host was too bland, the host was too edgy, it’s too long, speeches went on too long, speeches shouldn’t have been cut off, it’s too long, etc.  But the one complaint I’ve never heard is, “Gosh, I wish it were more like the Tony Awards.”

That’s what Hugh Jackman delivered as host of the 81st Academy Awards on ABC last night: a whole lot of song and dance.  And a lap dance for Barbara Walters.  Golly, it’s like Christmas in February!  Note: I grew up in an orphanage and was sexually abused every Christmas.

Things that would have been better than Hugh Jackman singing and dancing:

  • Hugh Jackman in character as Wolverine.
  • Hugh Jackman singing and dancing as Wolverine.
  • More lingering shots of Freida Pinto.
  • Jon Stewart in bed with George Clooney.
  • Mickey Rourke bludgeoning Sean Penn with the Best Actor statuette.
  • Footage of kittens falling asleep.

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