R.I.P. America 1776-2010. You had a good run, did some good in the world (“Thanks for the Doritos Locos Tacos!” — all other countries), but for the last three years, you’ve been a walking corpse. Ever since The Walking Dead premiered on TV, you haven’t been the same — your eyes have glazed over, your skin’s peeled off, and your habit of eating rats you found on the dirty ground is getting worrisome. For you see, AMC’s zombie series is “seriously hurting American society,” according to Fox News’ Dr. Manny Alvarez, the only gynecologist brave enough to call out a TV show about shirtless Rick Grimes. And zombies.
Now, it seems that zombies on television are part of our daily routine. The obsession also permeates into other facets of our lives, such as with so-called Zombie Runs, in which people dressed as zombies chase other “civilians” to make them run faster towards the finish line. Even scientists at the National Institutes of Health have spent time creating an apocalyptic how-to guide on dealing with a zombie outbreak.
Give me a break. As a doctor and scientist, I know one thing for sure: When you’re dead, you’re dead. (Via)
Us non-gynecologists can’t tell the difference between corpses and not-corpses.
Our brains should be less focused on imaginary zombie hoards and more focused on harnessing the tools that we need to enhance our lives, whether it be music, education, or the classics. Entertainment should help us soothe our brains so that we can ease our minds of some of the stress from our daily lives. (Via)
Classics such as, “Oreo cookies as addictive as cocaine?” and “Losing NFL cities eat more.”
With this country heading towards a socialized system of government, in which officials don’t want you to think or focus on what is important for your own personal growth, I’m sure they’re more than happy to let you obsess over something as stupid as zombies.
And in turn, you ultimately become the zombie.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Stop obsessing over eating brains, and focus on cultivating your own. (Via)
Again, Dr. Alvarez is a gynecologist. Us non-gynecologists can’t proudly and furiously masturbate to that kicker like he will/has. Because he’s a gynecologist.
