Super Bowl XLVIIl (CBS, Sunday 6:30 p.m.) — That goddamn dance freaks me out. It looks like some sort of ritualistic act someone would engage in before sacrificing small children. DON’T EAT OUR CHILDREN, RAY LEWIS. Anyway, I understand that CBS will start airing Super Bowl coverage at 2 p.m., which means four and a half hours of blather that only 49er and Raven fans will give three craps about, but congrats to both cities!
Puppy Bowl IX (Animal Planet, 3 p.m.) — If you’re not interesting in the pre-game blather, you can always watch cute puppies, instead, and this year, Hedgehog Cheerleaders and a Puppy Cam.
Elementary (CBS, After the Super Bowl) — I’m a little peeved because, after hearing that Elementary has had marked improvement over the course of the season, I wanted to catch up before the big Super Bowl episode. It didn’t happen. I’m pretty sure the ratings for the post-Super Bowl show that airs each year is always super inflated anyway. Seventy percent of Nielsen families just left the damn TV on after they drank too much and passed out after the game.
House of Cards (Netflix) — David Fincher and Kevin Spacey’s $100 million new political draama starts today, and you can watch every single of the 13 episodes starting anytime you’d like. Is this a good idea, or a bad one? I think it’s going to depend, in part, on whether House of Cards is actually any good.
Portlandia (IFC, Friday 10 p.m.) — “Local baristas draft a coffee shop manifesto; Kath and Dave struggle to find a table at a restaurant.” Yup. Those sound like Portlandia sketches.
Girls (HBO, Saturday 10:05) — PROGRAMMING ALERT: HBO is airing this week’s Girls and Enlightened on Saturday night and on Sunday night, during its regular time slot, in order to avoid conflicts with the Super Bowl.