Things We Would Do If We Were ‘The Last Man On Earth,’ Ranked

The Last Man on Earth is unlike anything else on television, especially for a network sitcom. In one scene, the titular last man on Earth, Will Forte’s Phil Miller (an amalgam of The Lego Movie geniuses Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, who directed the pilot), comes within a few feet of committing suicide because he’s so horribly lonely and, more to the point, unrelenting in his horniness. There are also poop pools, margarita baths, long stretches of time with little to no dialogue, and an attraction to guns. The particulars sound goofy and fun, until you remember the context: There’s literally no one. No humans left on Earth for Forte (who’s about to star in this fantastic-sounding fake documentary with Andy Samberg) to speak to. For two years, at least.

The one-hour premiere was excellent, and it’ll be interesting to see how Earth maintains its apocalyptic premise and still be funny, but until then, let’s have a look at some of the advantages of being the last man alive, ranked from “want to do” to “REALLY want to do.”

15. Decorate my new home with billions of dollars worth of paintings.

14. “Borrow” Babe Ruth’s bat, Dorothy’s ruby slippers, and MJ’s game-worn jersey.

13. Lift an Oscar, preferably from Roberto Benigni.

12. Try out a knight’s armor and somehow not die of heat stroke.

11. Drink a bottle of wine that costs as much as a house, add spray cheese.


10. Bowling with fish tanks, then a round of ULTIMATE WALL BALL.

9. Make the entire world one big parking spot.

8. Open up every door with a gun.

7. JENGA TOWER.

6. Roll one car into another rigged with explosives.

5. Do the Moonwalk in Michael Jackson’s jacket.

4. Put a dinosaur head on the dinner table.

3. Slowly go insane and begin talking to balls (I dunno, Gregory seems cool).

2. Fill a kiddie pool with tequila, with salt around the rim (I already do this).

1. Daydream about Alexandra Daddario.

×