06.16.09 9 years ago 67 Comments

Every time I write about how much I hate “Entourage,” there are a handful of apologists who creep out of the woodwork.  “The first two seasons were really good, after that it went downhill.”  “It really captures what L.A.’s like.”  “I just watch for Jeremy Piven.”  “Hot chicks, bro.”

I’m here to tell you that if you’re standing up for “Entourage,” you’re embracing a position as part of the lowest common denominator in society (and that goes for the president, too).  As this excellent video from College Humor points out, every week is the exact same thing, and none of the characters ever grow or change as human beings.  Maybe that’s the way L.A. really is, but if “The Hills” has taught us anything, it’s that L.A. isn’t the best backdrop for compelling television.

On the off chance that you can’t watch videos at work, Videogum similarly predicted everything that will happen in Season 6 just yesterday:

Vince goes to work on Martin Scorsese’s new movie, but he has problems on the set in the heated conflict of Hollywood egos. Or maybe he sleeps with a beautiful woman and somehow that turns into something mildly dramatic that doesn’t matter. Or both. Ari tells E that he better solve this issue with his “boy” if he really is going to keep calling himself a manager. Lloyd is gay. Ari calls Vince and squeezes a stressball. Vince is so laid back it’s crazy. It’s almost as if he doesn’t even care about being famous. Ari bangs on his desk, he is so angry! Lloyd says something “super gay.” And pouts. E has moved into a fancy new office, because it is six months later and we need to show that success never ends. Insert stilted, terrible celebrity cameo. Martin Scorsese thinks that this movie is going to take Vince’s career to the next level. Johnny Drama asks if there is a part in it for him. Vince buys everyone something really expensive as a gift for being his friends. Turtle gets some “pussy” on the side. There is a pool party maybe? E gets teased for being too nice to women and not just shitting all over them. Ari’s wife is mad at him! So he buys her something! Small condescending subplot about how they are Jewish. 50 Cent is on the show, and it is ridiculous, and awful. Does his cameo have something to do with Turtle’s music management career? No one cares. For one week three episodes before the end of the season there is tension when it seems like maybe something will be taken away from Vince, or as if there are any stakes whatsoever in this show. Within 15 minutes of the finale that tension will dissipate, and everyone will go out for high fives and champagne. The season will end with Vince buying a private island on the moon because of how he has all the fame again. The show leaves viewers wondering whether or not Vince will ever get even more famous and happy.

What they said.  If a meteor hit the set of this show and killed all the actors, writers, and producers, it still wouldn’t be enough to satisfy me.  The meteor would have to also hit every “Entourage” DVD and the parts of every person’s brain that stores memories of the show, thus removing “Entourage” from human history.  I want an Entourage-ocaust.

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