Silicon Valley star and Carpoolers alum (NEVER FORGET!) T.J. Miller has a knack for getting the most out of his TV interview appearances, so there’s no harm in having the 34-year-old comedian pop up as an alter-ego to spread the weird around.
Miller’s slovenly NASA hopeful Donnie Barnett rolled into The Late Show with Stephen Colbert with a bargain bin lightsaber in hand and surplus meat in housecoat pocket for a gloriously ridiculous segment attached to the selection process needed for the perfect candidate to send to Mars. As Colbert notes in the introduction of this clip, the ideal visitor to Mars would be a night owl so they could adjust to the red planet’s longer days, and being immune to lactose or gluten issues is a plus, too. Did we mention that meat consumption’s a big part of the package? Donnie ticks all of those boxes, plus his exciting approach to hygiene has allowed him to shake off troublesome obstacles like a career and a love life in pursuit of this goal. Provided he doesn’t have to fight a dog in space over some “Hut” or discover Total Recall‘s details about space boobs are a lie, Donnie’s golden.
Colbert keeps a straight face for the bulk of this lunacy, but you can see Miller’s insane would-be astronaut chip away at that resolve. You think the late night host was going to escape the segment without cracking up, but Miller breaks him with his commitment to the madness. Maybe NASA vet Scott Kelly can be lured into staying on for decades longer courtesy of the promise of pocket tenderloin. (Not a sex thing.)