I have three pieces of great news for you and I am going to get straight to them because there is no time like the present so I will seize the day, aka carpe the diem: First of all, today is Friday and that is when WE F-CKING RAGE, BROS. I’ve got eight kegs on the way from the distributor, 500 Jell-O shots in the fridge (GIRLS ONLY), and the ice luge is cooling in the freezer. I had to pay extra for the one with boobs on it, but it was worth it, bro. Tell all your friends. NO DUDES UNLESS THEY COME WITH A GIRL. Seriously. Second, my boy Big Steez (SHOUTOUT TO BIG STEEZ) is a bouncer at McKnucklebutts and he rigged the drawing so now I have a free happy hour tonight. Free drinks for me and ten other people, and dollar drinks for anyone I’m with. What? No, you can’t have a free drink wristband, bro. I already promised them to T-Dog, Mikey T, Mikey R, Weeny, Tall Kyle, Fat Kyle, Dumpsters Kevin, Mikey L, and Slutty Sarah the cheerleader and her one friend with the boobs. I heard those two blew Chad from Sig Ep in the bathroom of a Waffle House last weekend. I’m gonna score, bro. Book it. Anyway, we’re gonna roll up there from 6-8, get f-cking sh-tfaced, then COME BACK HERE AND RAGE.
Third and finally but not least importantly of all, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE LAWBROS ARE COMIN’ BACK, BRO. That’s right, Franklin & Bash aka Frizz & Boosh aka THINK FAST BOOM NUTSHOT are COMING BACK FOR A THIRD SEASON. Aw snap. I know right know you’re probably all “But bro, didn’t you say the show was weak this season?,” and the answer is YO maybe I did but that doesn’t mean it’s not still good news that it’s coming back because now they can go back to their winning formula of CRUSHING BOTH TAIL AND BEERSKIS ON THE REG.
It’s like my man Cube said, bro. Today was a good day. Catch you at McKnucklebutts, bros. Peace.