Last week on, Top Chef: Nicholas screwed up with immunity and everyone questioned his decision to not give up said immunity, which was dumb. Stephanie is gone forever. Let’s move on.
This week, on Top Chef: Roy Choi, Jon Favreau (actor/director, not Obama speech writer) and po’ boys, finally. What follows are the random thoughts that came to mind last night as I watched the show.
-The teasers tell us that Nina might screw up her pasta, and Nicholas definitely gets all pissy with Carlos again. DON’T TOUCH MY POT. Whoa, ease up. You’re in New Orleans. I think you can get more pot.
-We pick things up with everyone crying in the stew room. Well not Nicholas, but everyone who is devastated by his callous refusal to quit or something. The survivor’s guilt will set in, then he’ll turn to the pot.
-The next morning and the chefs are making themselves coffee. They only show this because there are bags of terrible Dunkin Donuts ground coffee all over the counter, yet they’re making their coffee in a Keurig. Oh, but not to worry, there’s a giant basket overflowing with Dunkin Donuts K-cups.
-So everyone is sitting around not drinking their coffee and d, discussing potential challenges. Carlos is hoping for Mexican food. Nina is hoping they have to cook something in a banana leaf. Nicholas is hoping that they will all shut up and go away so that he can win and go home and never speak to any of them again.
-Roy Choi is hanging out in the kitchen, being all cool and food truckerish. He tells the chefs that he wants them to use the po’ boy as a medium the same way he and his “crew” used the tortilla to totally change the face of street food forever and oh god I just want your sweet bulgogi, you son of a bitch.
-“What’s a po’ boy?” -Carlos in about thirty seconds, I’m guessing.
-Immunity is on the line once again, so whoever wins is in the top four no matter how badly the screw up the elimination challenge. Will you ever learn, producers?
-Everyone is taking Roy’s challenge to heart by making a po’ boy that reflects their cultural heritage. It’s going to be so great when he hates them.
-Nicholas made a New England inspired fried shrimp po’ boy, which sounds a lot more like a New Orleans inspired dish.
-Shirley is up next with a catfish po’ boy. It’s thin, it’s loaded with fresh herbs, and yep, that’s a banh mi, Shirley.
-Nina’s fried mahi po’ boy with mojo aioli is a bit of a mess to look at. Also, why fry mahi? Grill it or pick another fish.
-Brian’s Korean inspired po’ boy is made with fried lobster, pickled Napa cabbage and a gochujang aioli. Winner winner.
-Carlos made a po’ boy “al pastor.” No. Bad Carlos. Do not put pineapple on french bread.
-Roy tells Carlos that he’s very particular about his al pastor, being from LA. Hey, Roy. Carlos is from f*cking Mexico. God damn, LA people can be the worst. On the other hand, If Carlos told his mother he was making her al pastor recipe in 20 minutes she’d probably smack him with a large wooden spoon.
-“I’m gonna start popping on the real.” Nobody will blame me if I fast-forward to some point in time where he’s not talking anymore, right?
-“Y’all fucked this shit up. If you were in my kitchen this would be the point where we’d go in the walk-in and we’d start straight talkin’.” If they all tackle him at once nobody will be able to stop them.
-Carlos’s taco lacked the al pastor flavor that Roy holds so close to his heart. Nicholas used a heavy hand with the salt. Brian needed more gochujang. Roy liked all of Shirley’s flavors, but thought it was “pedestrian.” Nina’s sandwich simply didn’t “pop.” At least he knows they all hate him right now. Shirley’s pedestrian (and perfectly cooked) catfish gets the win.
-Jon Favreau is here to save everyone from Roy Choi. He’s directing a film about a chef who starts a food truck, so he turned to Roy for help. Roy probably told him it was a sh*tty idea and that it wasn’t true to his heritage.
-The chefs will cook a dish that represents a turning point in their career. Fortunately they won’t have to cook it in a food truck.
-But first, they’re going on a food truck tour of New Orleans. Food porn, ahead!
-Barbecued oysters, grilled shrimp, and no more Roy Choi. The chefs can relax.
-Shirley credits the show with helping her rediscover why she loves to cook. Brian credits the 24 hours he spent in lockup following a DUI. And something about rediscovering his passion with a mentor after he’d hit bottom and so on and so forth.
-Roy Choi dart board!
-Nina worked for Scott Conant? That explains why she’s so handy with the pasta dishes. And yet not one rant about raw red onions.
-Nina and Nicholas take a casual break during their casual shopping spree to chat about their dishes. I think Nicholas just said he was going to make carrots seven ways. Then he went all Bubba Blue and started listing every way he could think of to prepare carrots. Carrot powder? OK! His explanation behind the dish actually makes some sense, given the challenge.
-Carlos gives the butcher his life story. The guy looks really interested in helping any other customer.
-Nicholas is already freaking out over Carlos moving his pot. This would be more fun if they weren’t talking about cookware.
-Nina is already struggling with her pasta. It’s too hot in the kitchen, and everything is sticking. She’s panicked. And now she’s giving up on a stuffed pasta and going with fettuccine.
-Nicholas was toasting quinoa for some added texture to his carrot-kakke when somebody smelled burning. Apparently the oven wasn’t set at 275, it was set at 500. Did Nicholas screw up, or was it something more nefarious? The producers jump into the fray by immediately cutting to a shot of Carlos. I think they hate him more than Nicholas does.
-By the way, they’re cooking and serving the food at Cafe Reconcile, a place where at-risk youths are taught skills in food prep and service. So that’s pretty cool.
-Shirley’s seared snapper with crustacean broth, silken tofu and Napa cabbage is a beautiful and elegant dish. This is how you do immunity, Nicholas. You sandbagger. The judges love it. Gail Simmons literally drooled on herself. Why does that turn me on???
-Nina’s fettuccine with charred calamari, pine nut gremolata and crab meat is up next. This is something I would order without even looking at the rest of the menu. It’s cooked properly and well-seasoned. Nina is going to the top four.
-Brian made boneless skinless chicken breasts. Bold move, Cotton. His dish is chicken anticucho with twice cooked potatoes and feta walnut pesto. His protein may be lean and devoid of flavor, but he did cook it sous vide before finishing it on the grill. But yeah, that’s still a bad idea.
-“It’s tasty, but it’s chicken breast.” -Emeril, summing up why Brian is probably going to wind up going home. There are also the issues of muddled flavors, and undercooked potatoes. Tom suggests that next time he cook them three times. Burn, Tom. Burn.
-Carlos did what I would do as often as possible if I were on this show, and that is cooking pork belly. He braised the belly and served it over sweet potato puree with a chipotle tamarind glaze on top. Everyone loves it. Because it’s pork belly. Say what you want about Joshua from last season (stupid mustache, overly sensitive to jokes in my recaps), but the man knew pork belly can take you places.
-Nicholas is still pissed that he doesn’t have any quinoa on his plate. No mention of his pot being moved, so at least he’s gotten over that incident.
-Nicholas plates on without any crunch. His dish is seared yellowfin tuna, several preparations of carrot and fennel pollen dust. Apparently he made so many different kinds of carrot stuff that Bravo didn’t even bother listing it all. I see some sliced carrots, some carrot sauce and some carrot top sauce (and now we’re all thinking about Carrot Top’s ejaculate, right?). He listed all of the other carrot stuff I couldn’t see, then told them all about the quinoa that isn’t there. SHUT UP ABOUT THE QUINOA.
-Padma calls the dish “incredibly sophisticated.” Tom and Emeril think it’s under-seasoned. But what do the student employees at Cafe Reconcile think?
-But…
-Dagger! I wish Nicholas had been there for this moment. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, THE QUINOA WOULD HAVE FIXED EVERYTHING.
-After service the chefs are sitting around talking about what else, but quinoa. Nina asks what was up with that burnt tray, so naturally the camera pans over to Carlos looking down at his hands. I want to object on his behalf, but this isn’t a courtroom and I’m sitting on my couch.
-Everyone heads back to stand before the judges. I’m guessing Shirley wins and Brian goes home for making diet food.
-Gail called Shirley’s dish breathtaking. I know you are, but what am I?
-So they loved what Carlos, Shirley and Nina did, but didn’t care for Brian’s dish. All that’s left is Nicholas. I wonder what he’s going to talk about. Bravo is running a handy “was Nicholas sabotaged” poll. Despite his heavy implication that he was, three out of four viewers say he wasn’t. This has nothing on the pea puree controversy from season 7.
-Shirley is your winner, narrowly edging out Carlos and Nina, respectively. They all leave so that the chefs can tell Brian to pack it up. 80% of the viewing audience who bothers to vote in this crap thinks Nicholas should go home. Probably because they hate him.
-Brian is going to Last Chance Kitchen. Goodbye for now, Brian.
Top Chef Top Four
Eliminated: Brian (last week: 5)- Last week I said he better not serve Roy Choi any weak Korean food, and he did just that.
4. Nicholas (4)- He’s already reached Marcel’s level. One more outburst or deflection of blame and I’m grouping him with Josie.
3. Carlos (3)- Carlos is not going to win. That said, I would love to eat at his restaurant sometime.
2. Shirley (2)- The double win was big for her, but not enough to overtake Nina.
1. Nina (1)- Absolutely cruising through the competition by alternating between island flavors and perfectly prepared pasta. The teasers for next week indicate that she finally makes a big mistake. Maybe she did some Caribbean/Italian fusion thing.
Next week, on Top Chef: The chefs compete for a trip to the finals in Maui by cooking a dish that represents their time in New Orleans. Carlos makes a tamale. Not joking. He really does that. Maybe he doesn’t like Hawaii?
