Previously on Total Divas, Lana and Rusev had a tradition-rich Bulgarian wedding, and Eva Marie tried to help her dad live a healthier lifestyle.
Starting with the season six’s second-half premiere, I’ve been trying something a bit different in terms of format for the remainder of the season. Rather than a blow-by-blow recap, we’ll highlight the best, brightest, and most ridonkulous moments of each episode. Let’s keep this train rolling!
And now, the five most absurd moments from season six, episode 15 of Total Divas.
Delayed honeymoon
It turns out that even though they’ve been married for about three years, Miz and Maryse have never had their honeymoon, because of their schedules (Miz had to fly back to do TV the day after their wedding.) They end up going on their honeymoon in Exuma, and they go with Eva Marie and Jonathan, as a double honeymoon. I guess that weird double boudoir Baywatch photo shoot suddenly makes a lot more sense. I keep expecting scenes of these two couples to involve a punch bowl with keys in it.
Eva Marie and Maryse get upset halfway through the honeymoon because Jonathan and Miz want to do adventurous stuff like spear fishing and hanging out with a group of sharks instead of romantic stuff like BONING DOWN, but we’ll get to that in a bit.
Nattie is the worst, part infinity in a series
Nicole and Brie are in New York to meet a dog agent to represent their respective dogs (which is such a good plan, according to the Bellas). Nattie finds out about their meeting and that the agent is beginning to represent cats, and Nattie invites herself to the meeting. Because Nattie. Nattie shows up and completely steamrolls the meeting, whipping out pictures of 2Paws the cat, and talking about all the great opportunities for her and her cat until the meeting is over. Nicole becomes tremendously unpleased by this turn of event.
Nattie has a whole bunch of plans about how 2Paws can take over the social media world, and continually gloats about the success of a shirt that Rosa’s husband has designed for the cat. (Which I gotta admit; I ordered that shirt while watching this episode, so I’m part of the problem.)
The agent about cats and dogs, AKA Nattie is the worst, part again
Nattie comes back from the dog agent meeting and shares all her good news with Renee, and now RENEE wants HER dog to be represented, because she thinks HER dog is the best and that dogs are better and cats stink. So clearly Renee doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Later, Renee reveals that she has gone to Rosa’s husband to have him make shirts for her dog. Natalya accuses Renee of stealing all of her plans for 2Paws’ burgeoning career, and walks out of a bar where she’s having drinks with Renee and Dean Ambrose, calling Renee “unstable.” Hey Kettle, I have a Mr. Pot on the line for you. Should I take a message?
Later, Brie points out that Nattie invited herself to this meeting in the first place, so Nattie finally realizes she’s been the true crazy person all along. The crazy was coming from inside the house! Nattie decides to play a great practical joe on Renee by telling her she hates dogs. R-Truth stops by to really hammer this rib home. This show really needs a whole lot more R-Truth.
Football honeymoon
Miz is enjoying his honeymoon, but it’s also the only time all 12 of his fantasy league players will be available for their fantasy draft. If you thought Maryse would be upset about this, you’re correct! It’s okay, though, because those drafts only take like between four and eight hours, right? I dunno, I don’t play fantasy football because I do a pick ’em league, which is the GENTLEMAN’S fantasy football.
Maryse works pretty hard to try and seduce Miz during his draft, but no dice. Sheesh, Miz. Take a page out of your favorite team the Browns’ playbook and punt.
Oh, by the way, it turns out that adventurous stuff like spear fishing out on a perfectly clear sea at sunset can be romantic. WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN? Double honeymoon saved! And also, the romantic stuff Maryse was so excited about doing was swimming with pigs and laying down next to Komodo dragons. ROMANTIC PIGS AND LIZARDS, THOUGH.
Nicole’s incredible practical joke
Nikki finally had her WWE meeting to figure out whether she’d been cleared to return to the ring, which of course has been the focus of a lot of television up to this point and has been very stressful for her. So how does she break the news to all of her friends? Via the greatest rib she could come up with, which is basically just yelling the word SIKE. (You know that Nikki would spell it “sike,” let’s be honest.)
The other news about Nikki’s comeback in this episode is that she has to retire the Rack Attack, so she has to find a whole new finisher, which is tough, because her finisher is part of her identity. Our lyrics are like our kids, man: no way. Nikki hits the ring to train with Bayley and is hoping to work with MMA women the following week to try and come up with a submission finisher. This leads to the return of Shayna Baszler, and also Nattie, who I guess is an MMA woman. The submission doesn’t feel right to her, because she’s a powerhouse. She decides on a new finisher, but we have to wait.
Next week: Uh, it’s the season finale, apparently? This is horrible! See you then!
