Back in February, when the first TV Gourmet appeared on this very website, I knew that it was only a matter of time before I got around to this very post: making food and drink exclusively from “The Simpsons.” With much thanks to SNPP, possibly the single greatest hub of information in the entire world, I—along with photographer Nadia, dairy-consumer Will, and was-just-kind-of-there Joe (Adam from last time couldn’t join us because he was watching preseason football, preseason Rams football; neither could Matt, who’s too busy wearing Rastafarian hats and getting called a narc)—chose five recipes that have been made, featured, and gorged upon in Springfield, including the granddaddy of them all. It’s the post I was born to write, baby.
And please feel free to do some gratuitous quoting in the comments section. I’ll get things started: “The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute…Statute of Liberty…that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!”
Tom Collins Pot Pie (From “$pringfield”)
What you’ll need: pie crust, cloves, Tom Collins mix
1. Unsure of what actually makes a Tom Collins, we went by what The Internet said and used the following ingredients: ice cubes; 2 oz. dry gin; 2 oz. lemon juice; 1 teaspoon sugar syrup; soda water; slice of lemon; and 1 colored cherry (we actually didn’t include the cherry).
2. Pour the drink into the pie crust
3. Then add a sprinkling of cloves
It…it was bad. I mean, look at that picture below. It looks we caught some dragon flies, dried them up, and then sprinkled their corpses into a pool of vaguely-alcoholic water, all held together by a cheap pie crust. That’s pretty accurate, actually. The crust and drink were fine—together, even with the sogginess of the graham cracker crust, it tasted pleasant(y), with, in the words of Peter King, a nice hint of citrus—but the cloves were tooth-chippingly hard to chew. The look on Homer’s face, the same Homer who once enjoyed a hot dog with band-aid on it, says it all; even he couldn’t have more than a bite.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/679/thumb)
No pictures of Nadia? Unacceptable from the man who likes Glee.
I demand a gallery of TV’s hottest MILFs starting with Connie Britton and ending with Carla Gugino.
Pff…I’ve been safaryin’ since before you were born!
/obligatory…now off to read the piece
I thought for sure there would be a tomacco in this post. Just stuff a tomato with chewing tobacco.
I’m in the mood for cheese after reading this.
Binge eating will never not be funny. Well done.
Oh, and you should have done a Flaming Moe. Unless WG’s insurance didn’t cover it or something.
Marge: Bart? Why are you doing that?
Bart: Our class is making refreshments for Skinner’s party. These are in honor of his army days.
Marge: That explains the flags, but what about the dog food?
Bart: My theory is: Skinner likes dog food!
Marge: Mmmm…Let’s bake him a cake!
Homer: Ooh! A fresh batch of America balls! [eats dog food balls]
I just ate lunch, and after seeing that eggnog/cream of corn concoction, I might have to eat it again soon.
No Flaming Moe? And what about the all-syrup squishy (that would have to be accompanied by a video showing the rendition of “Springfield, Springfield, it’s a hell of a town…”
What about the patented space aged moon waffles?
We need a before and after picture of Will after the 64.
[www.bebo.com]
Made some skittlebrau once. Opened a beer, dropped in some skittles, was ready to drink. I didn’t realize they react like mentos and diet coke. All of a sudden everyone pointed at the beer in my hand and I looked to find it overflowing. Once it settled down I drank it……it tasted terrible.
For a bad attempt at a Flaming HOMER and the moon-waffle, see here: [warmingglow.uproxx.com]
What about purple? Purple is a fruit.
@Bobby Big Wheel & bzilla
We tried making a Flaming Moe the first time, but we couldn’t get it to catch on fire…
[warmingglow.uproxx.com]
@D Dusty
We did!
[warmingglow.uproxx.com]
Homer Simpson: Awww … 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer’s brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer Simpson: Explain how.
Homer’s brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer Simpson: Woo hoo!
I’m not sure if it’s been done, but the donut Homer made at the Kwik-E Mart that had the liquorice and full candy bar would be pretty damn good.
What about the lawnmower? Wheatgrass and vodka.
Good Morning Burger? Nuts and Gum?
I think I’m blind!
Forget the all-syrup squishee, I wanted to know what a Chutney Squishee tastes like.
Lobster stuffed with tacos?
Josh, first you say you like Glee and I think you can’t do anything dumber and then you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself!
While it may be safe, there has to be some sort of gastro-intestinal ramifications to eating vaseline.
I’ll stick with my Uter-braten and peanut butter smeared on a playing card thank you.
And I know you can read MY thoughts, Josh – meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
@Nadia and @Josh
How did I miss that! Thanks.
Now who wants to try Krusty O’s, now with flesh eating bacteria!
@Taco I love our will they/won’t they relationship.
“Where do you want these beef hearts?”
“On the floor.”
“It doesn’t look very clean.”
“Just do your job, heart boy.”
Next time: all hearts, all the time, beginning with: [4.bp.blogspot.com]
Nuts and Gum, together at last!
For round two, just remember, “More testicles means more iron.”
And if you do try Krusty-O’s, I’d make sure and avoid the jagged metal Krusty-O if possible.
I am deeply impressed at the lack of respect you all have for your bodies, but I have to make the same request I made in the first round of these experiments:
Lobsters stuffed with tacos.
Make it happen, people.
Brush your teeth with milkshakes. Instead of gum, chew bacon.
I see you have also trained in the ways of assal horizontology
Homer didn’t actually put gin in the pie.
He just used the MIX. Like you buy at the STORE. To MIX with GIN. Hence the “Tom Collins MIX”.
AND a pot pie with a graham cracker crust? Who raised you people?
/calls mom … just because
I’m a White male aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
Two words: crab juice.
Two words: crab juice.
Good luck finding Klav Kalash though. Especially considering where the guy selling them was….
@Otto Man: AND THE LOBSTERS MUST WEAR LITTLE SOMBREROS!!!
For sure lobster stuffed with taco is an excellent choice. So is creamed eel. And horse parts. also, you should try sandwich behind the radiator.
What about a simple Krusty burger? Or one of the many variations thereof. But that would require “special sauce”, meaning “go put this mayonaise in the sun.”
I know I shouldn’t eat thee
No Ribwich!?! WTF!?
“Think small…REAL small and A LOTTA LEGS!”
You should have stuck a waffle to your ceiling for a few days, eventually took it down with a broom handle, then eaten it
Mmm… Pistol whip…
What about lobster stuffed with tacos???
[www.flickr.com]
I was really hoping to see “Nuts and Gum” (together at last!)
You should have made little meatloaf men!
“We need more special sauce, put this mayonnaise in the sun.”
“Mmmm sacrilicious!”
“A Mounds bar is not a sprinkle. A twizzler is not a sprinkle. A Jolly
Rancher is not a sprinkle, sir. Perhaps in Shangri-La they are, but not
in here.”
I could go on all day.
Where is my Ham Ahoy?
I highly recommend some Nachos ala Flanders after trying these monstrosities. Also, I too was hoping for moon waffles.
WE ALREADY DID THE MOON WAFFLES. LINKED THREE TIMES ABOVE.
Phew. Where was I? Oh yeah:
“I need the biggest seed bell you have…No, that’s too big.”
“I promised I’d eat you last… I lied.”
Chief Wiggum’s Chilli
(Unless I missed this one)
ingredients:
5 gallons of water
quesosakatenango chili peppers from Guatamala (to taste)
instructions:
combine ingredients in a large pot
cook until boiling
serve immediately
makes 5 gallons
p.s. I dare you. Better yet, I dare Nadia!