Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this morning, which means that thanks to a weird, dated religious ritual that is one does of sexual magic away from being The Wicker Man, Winter is almost over. The Midwest is still elbows-deep in snow and the East coast is still trying to dig their way out, but somebody inferred a decision from this rodent so praise Jesus and here we go ’round the Maypole.
The best part of Groundhog Day, besides literally every person on my Facebook posting the “don’t drive angry!” clip from Groundhog Day, is the reaction of “Today Show” host Matt Lauer:
Whatever, Lauer. I bet you don’t believe an octopus could psychically predict the World Cup, either.