In addition to more pressing issues like the fate of the Russian gecko orgy that is currently floating around aimlessly in the cosmos, John Oliver discussed nuclear weapons on the latest episode of Last Week Tonight. It’s really funny, as his big weekly heaves usually are, but it’s also really terrifying. The way our country handles nuclear weapons is apparently one step above the way an ADD-riddled 7-year-old handles his toys. Don’t believe me? Enjoy this quote, taken from around the 7:00 mark, after we already learned that some of our nuclear facilities received D grades for safety, and that the computer that is supposed to receive launch order from the president still runs on floppy disks.
Take a moment to consider the run of poor decisions that are required before you’re being told you can’t play guitar with a Beatles cover band when you’re drunk at a Mexican restaurant in Russia. Just add all that up together and consider this man had access to our deadliest nuclear weapons.
AND IT GETS WORSE. I DIDN’T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT THE COUNTERFEIT POKER CHIPS OR FOOD DELIVERY GUYS. WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.