Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday) – Elton John hosts, with Leon Russell as the musical guest. Because if you can book an iconic musician on your show to not play music, you really have to jump at that opportunity. Also, Carmelo Anthony is rumored to be making an appearance, during which he will presumably isolate himself on the far side of the stage and read his lines as well as those of everyone else in the sketch.
Who Do You Think You Are? (NBC, Friday) – Gwyneth Paltrow has her lineage traced, which will hopefully provide an answer to the age old question, “How did a glass of skim milk and a package of Saltines mate in the first place?”
The Soup Awards (E!, Friday) – In my little world, this is substantially more important than the Oscars.
Cobra (Encore, Friday) – Hey, wasn’t the opening scene of this movie just broken down on Film Drunk by some incredibly handsome, funny, smart, courageous fill-in blogger earlier this week? Oh me, you are shameless.
Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (Food Network, Friday) – A block of reruns air Friday night, which I only mention so I can point out that Guy Fieri looks like douche Bowser (evidence after the jump).
NCAA Tournament: Final Four (CBS, Saturday) – I will watch this, because I got a basketball jones.
The Borgias (Showtime, Sunday) – The historical series based on the Spanish Borgia dynasty features Jeremy Irons as Pope Alexander VI. You may think you can skip it, but I wouldn’t. After all, we’re talking kings and successions. Even you can’t be caught unawares. Be prepared.
