American Idol (Fox) — Guest judges Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne have made a living from music despite — or maybe because — they come off as totally annoying. And yet: oh, the things I’d like to do them… (Yes, even Avril. Sorry, it has something to do with having “Complicated” stuck in my head for three months in 2002.)
Bad Girls Club (Oxygen) — It’s a good premise, but the girls need to be way hotter and lesbians. So I guess what I really mean is that it’s a good premise for porn.
The Little Couple (TLC) — From Yahoo: “Bill and Jen have friends in town, and they’re ready to pull out all the stops to show them a good time. Problem is, the weather isn’t cooperating, and rain might just ruin a fun-filled weekend.” Pretend that’s a sitcom plot. Wouldn’t you be pissed at the lazy writing? And yet this flies for reality TV. If you watch this, I hate you.
Teen Mom (MTV) — Season finale. You know, this never quite popped like “Jersey Shore.” Maybe those teen moms should try getting drunk and fighting other people or their babies.
Better Off Ted (ABC) — Sigh. I’ll miss you when you’re gone.
White Collar (USA) — I’ve heard this isn’t all that bad, but how the hell am I supposed to watch a show predicated on white collar crime? When I meet someone who works in finance, my eyes instantly glaze over and I get transported to a dream world of cats on trampolines. In a related story, “Cats on Trampolines” is totally going to be part of Fox’s fall lineup.