Growing Up Twisted (A&E) — Series premiere. A reality show about Dee Snider and his family. I didn’t like this when it was called “Gene Simmons Family Jewels,” and I didn’t like it when it was called “The Osbournes.” But props to Suzette Snider for putting up with Dee’s face for almost 30 years of marriage. I bet she was hot enough to get a way better rock star back in the day.
MasterChef (Fox) — Series premiere. Amateur chefs try to impress Gordon Ramsay and his panel of chef judges. I guess calling it “American Chef” or “So You Think You Can Cook” would have been too obvious.
Louie (FX) — Louie agrees to be in a movie directed by Matthew Broderick (guest starring as himself); Louie deals with a heckler.
Breakthrough with Tony Robbins (NBC) — Series premiere. Great, it’s about time they made motivational self-help dreck into a reality show. I suspect it’ll be like “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” minus the house.
Deadliest Catch (Discovery) — Season finale. It’s been a sad season, what with the loss of Captain Phil Harris. Here’s hoping the producers have the decency to play “How Do I Say Goodbye to Yesterday” over the closing credits.
The Deadliest Warrior (Spike) — Season finale. Navy SEALs versus Israeli Defense Force. Whoever wins, they’re both more deadliest than whatever the deadliest catch is.