American Idol (FOX) — This is the worst week of the television season because most of the good network television shows have already stopped airing to make way for the reality show finales. I watched 10 minutes of “Idol” last night. That’s how desperate I was. I regretted it immediately. There is a finalist whose name is Phillip Phillips. I hope he wins because that poor guy needs something to compensate for his parents terrible sense of humor.
Manny is the Worst (ABC) — At least ABC has the sense to air some scripted programming up against “Idol,” although it doesn’t excuse preempting “Cougar Town” last night to show Donald Driver flailing around the dance floor. I bet he didn’t act like that when he won the Super Bowl. Anyway, in tonight’s episode, Gloria uses her powers of translation to help Mitchell and Cam adopt a second child.
Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 (ABC) — The Beek loses it when he finds out Dean Cain’s “Dancing with the Stars” dressing room is bigger than his. DAMNIT. I can’t escape “DWTS.”
Law & Order: SVU (NBC) — The gang gets involved in a bitter rivalry between two high-end whore houses. How’s that for finale stakes? One of the writers probably thought of that around episode 12, and the showrunner was probably like, “Let’s hang on to that one for the season finale. Otherwise, there’s nowhere left to go for the rest of the season.”
Betty White’s Off Their Rockers (NBC) — Rob Schneider guest stars in tonight’s episode. I hope that, in the prank, Rob Schneider pretends to blow a bullet through the back of his mouth, and then I hope he forgets to use blanks. THAT’S how you do a season finale.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Letterman has Bill O’Reilly, which usually makes for good TV; Charlize Theron is on Leno; Josh Brolin in on Kimmel to promote MIB III, Jennifer Love Hewitt will bare her cleavage on Craig Ferguson; and Jim Gaffigan is on Fallon.