CMT Music Awards (CMT) — I understand why Toby Keith is hosting, but I have no idea why Kristen Bell is co-hosting. She’s a PETA member and a vegan. She’s from Michigan. She went to a prestigious liberal arts university. She doesn’t exactly scream salt-of-the-Earth, country-music personality. I do understand that both Mitt Romney and President Obama will also deliver pre-taped addresses during the ceremony because clearly they’re country-music fans.
Royal Pains/Necessary Roughness (USA Network) — Tonight’s the fourth season premiere of “Royal Pains,” and I’m pretty sure that in three full seasons so far, no one has ever died. Listen, “Royal Pains.” If you’re a doctor show, someone has to die occasionally if you want to build some suspense. Even “Baywatch” allowed a drowning every once in a while.
Adam Richman’s Best Sandwich in America (Travel) — I guess the “Man vs. Food” host needed a show where he could eat normal portion sizes to recover from his prolapsed colon.
Big Money Rustlas (TMC) — Because there’s never a bad time to drink a couple of 40s and watch this Insane Clown Posse comedy-western, the sequel to Big Money Hustlas. No longer constrained by the Dolemite-style rhymes, Shaggy 2 Dope really shines in this entry.
Friends (Nick) — If you’re really hard up, Nick is running “Friends” reruns from 8 p.m. until 4 a.m. tonight and every night this week.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Jane Fonda is on Letterman, Julia-Louis Dreyfus is on Leno, the Kardashians (all of them) are on Kimmel, Fallon has Jullianne Hough, Jon Stewart has Michael Fassschlong, and Stephen Colbert has Neil Patrick Harris on the show.