Hoarders (A&E) — Season premiere. Tonight’s subject is doll-hoarder Phyllis, and dolls have to be one of the most terrifying things to hoard. Like, the rat-hoarding episode definitely gave me the creeps, but there’s something antiseptic and unsettling about rooms filled with thousands of dolls. All those dead eyes. (image from a previous doll-hoarding episode) Also premiering on A&E: a new season of Intervention.
Nurse Jackie (Showtime) — Season finale. Jackie dodges a drug test and forgets a wedding cake. That actually sounds like a stereotypical-yet-funny premise for a sitcom episode, but don’t worry: Showtime will bleed most the fun out of it.
Countdown (Current TV) — Premiere. Keith Olbermann is back on TV, kind of. Is Current really a channel?
The Bachelorette (ABC) — The adventures in Thailand continue, with eight of the 11 remaining contestants having to face off in a Muay Thai tournament. Now THAT’S a good reality show: a martial arts tournament in which the champion is given a woman to fornicate with.
United States of Tara (Showtime) — Series finale. We may have won this battle against Diablo Cody, but the war is not yet over.
Rebuilding Titanic (NatGeo) — Shipbuilders attempt to rebuild exact replicas of parts of the Titanic using only the methods available when the original ship was built. You won’t find anything more pointlessly elaborate and boring on television tonight.
