Cougar Town (ABC) – Tonight’s back-to-back episodes feature a sexy contest between Ellie and Laurie, and Little Stan getting his hands on Big Carl. Completely stripped of context, that sentence makes this show sound like some sort of late-night pay cable series. It’s already got the title.
Glee (FOX) – Double episode. I am only mentioning this because this is the episode where Lindsay Lohan is guest-starring as a judge, and I feel like that is the kind of thing I’m supposed to mention on a blog ostensibly dedicated to television.
NCIS/NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) – Season finales of both, double dose of “NCIS: Los Angeles.” I wonder what people in 1992 would say if you went back there and told them that LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell would star in a cop show together one day. Probably “Turn over the time machine or I’ll blow your head off!” That’s what I would have said.
Private Practice (ABC) – Season finale. This is a show about a lady who is a doctor. That represents all of the things I know for sure about “Private Practice.”
America’s Got Talent/Fashion Star (NBC) – Auditions take place in San Francisco. I heard Vince showed up and spun a basketball on his ding-dong for 45 uninterrupted minutes and the judges just ended the show and gave him the grand prize on the spot. TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!
Breaking the Magician’s Code (BIO) – SPOILER ALERT: IT’S NOT REAL. FAKE. ALL OF IT.
The Weight of the Nation (HBO) – This is a special about fat people in America. In a related story, I just found out Edy’s makes Samoa ice cream, so I am going to buy as much of that as possible and put it in my big fat face. USA! USA! USA!
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Brian Williams on Letterman; Ferguson goes to Scotland with Rashida Jones (JEALOUS); Wanda Sykes and Hasselhoff are on Leno; Mariska Hargitay, Nick DiPaolo, and Tenacious D on Fallon; and Bill Maher, Greg Allman, and comedian Hannibal Buress are on Conan.