Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Season finale. If it goes with actual votes cast, the winner will be Evan Lysacek. If ABC wants to maximize its investment — like Fox does when it makes the second best “Idol” contestant the winner — it will crown Disney property Erin Andrews champion. Frankly, this is one vote I’d like to see rigged.
Glee (Fox) — Oof, an episode with Lady Gaga’s music. Expect it to be as pandering as the Madonna episode, but gayer. Idina Menzel guest stars as Rachel’s biological mother.
Parenthood (NBC) — Season finale. This show exists. I hear it’s okay. That’s nice.
The Good Wife (CBS) — Season finale. In this episode, Julianna Margulies’s character makes dinner, gives her husband a blowjob, and assents to filming a lesbian three-way. Well, probably not. I’m just making assumptions based off the show’s title.
NCIS (CBS) — Season finale. In this episode, the team, uh… investigates a crime?
The Hills (MTV) — Hey, is anybody watching this show? Show yourselves, so that we may ridicule you.
The Biggest Loser (Fox) — Season finale. Man, I’m loving all these season finales. With the summer season coming on, I get to ignore the networks and scour for ridiculous cable shows. Much more fun that way.
Soccer (ESPN) — Czech Republic at USA in Hartford, Connecticut. This should get me excited about the World Cup, but I’m too bummed about the injuries the U.S. team has suffered to be hopeful about our chances in South Africa.
NBA Playoffs (TNT) — Lakers at Los Suns, Game 4. I gotta pull for Steve Nash, and I promise it’s because he’s tough, not just because he’s white.