The Americans (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Season finale. Dustin ran down all the pressing questions/issues/etc. heading into tonight’s second season finale earlier today. This is a good show. You should watch it.
American Idol (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) – Season finale. Hey, here’s an idea: The Americans Idol. Get it? Like The Americans, but with singing. Or like American Idol, but with secret Russian spies. Your call, really. It’s funny because their names are similar.
Survivor (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) – Season finale. Between the standard show and the reunion special, Survivor is on for three hours tonight. THREE HOURS. That’s just insane, says me, the person who watched four episodes of Divorce Court yesterday and should really think twice about judging anyone for their TV Viewing habits.
The Middle/Modern Family (ABC, 8:30-9:30 p.m.) – Season finales. Tonight is Part 2 of the Modern Family wedding extravaganza. According to the guide, “the guests get restless.” This is why churches should have open bars. I mean, among other reasons.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) – Season finale. From TV Guide: “Several male tourists get robbed and raped after replying to an escort ad online.” Jesus. Please do not rob and/or rape me the next time I visit New York.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Adam Sandler and Elle Fanning on Kimmel; Medal of Honor recipient Sgt. Kyle J. White (USA Ret.) on Letterman; Jeff Foxworthy on Ferguson; Hugh Jackman, Jimmy Page, and Barry Gibb (PAGE/GIBB/ROOTS SUPERGROUP????) on Fallon; Jennifer Lawrence and Alan Cumming on Meyers; Patrick Stewart on Colbert; Norm Macdonald, Lupita Nyong’o, and Veruca Salt on Conan (oh, to be a fly on the wall in that green room).