Mercy (NBC) — James Van Der Beek begins a guest starring role that will last through the end of the season. Wow, what a casting coup by NBC.
Leverage (TNT) — Luke Perry guest stars. “Leverage” sees your Dawson and raises you a Dylan.
Shear Genius (Bravo) — Season premiere. Hey, you idiots misspelled “sheer”! What’s that? It’s about cutting hair? Oh, I see. Very clever. Anyway, hot Latina Camila Alves has taken over hosting duties from Jaclyn Smith, so this could theoretically be more appealing to straight men if it weren’t a reality show about hair styling.
Super Bowl’s Greatest Commercials (CBS) — If you watch this hour of television, clap your flippers and collect a fish from your handler. You’re such a good little network seal!
Steven Seagal: Lawman (A&E) — Season finale. Man, it’s depressing that I was so excited for this show and it turned out to be boring. I mean, it was funny because fat people who act serious are always funny, but it was still boring.
Modern Family (ABC) — Minnie Driver guest stars as Claire’s old friend. Speaking of Claire (Julie Bowen), here she is in her underwear in the most recent episode (watch on Hulu). Why no, I don’t have a girlfriend. Why do you ask?