Hair Battle Spectacular (Oxygen) — Series premiere. Hosted by the comely Brooke Burns, this show pits ten hairdressers against each other in a show that will make everyone say, “Wait, doesn’t Bravo already have a show exactly like this?” (Burns’s actual reason for doing the show: “I just like to work.” Seriously.)
Flipping Out (Bravo) — Season premiere. Jeff Lewis is the preening OCD real estate jackass who treats other people like garbage. Seeing as how “Hell’s Kitchen” (Fox) has its finale tonight, I suppose someone has to pick up where Gordon Ramsey leaves off.
MasterChef (Fox) — This follows the season finale of Hell’s Kitchen. Rest assured that no matter what you do, you’ll never sell out as much as Gordon Ramsey.
Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family) — Season finale. I saw an article that called this one of the summer’s breakout hits. Then I tried to imagine a world where I knew people who watched ABC Family, and shivered.
Rescue Me (FX) — Tommy wrestles with alcoholism.
Memphis Beat (TNT) — Dwight (Jason Lee) deals with a hostage situation by becoming a hostage. Aw, he’s doing it all wrong! You’re supposed to shoot the hostage!