American Idol (Fox) — There’s still no word whether hospitalized favorite Crystal Bowersox (pictured) will be able to perform tonight. If she can’t, the show will only drop one female contestant next week instead of two. You know what medical procedure I recommend for her? A caucasian dredlockotomy. Get well, you disgusting hippie.
Real World (MTV) — An ” incident” makes the roommates consider kicking Ty out of the house. Speaking of which, this article reminded me of the time that Beth called David a “rapist” for pulling the covers off Tami in the Los Angeles season back in the ’90s. What a bitch.
Modern Family (ABC) — I just wanted to point out that ABC is airing re-runs of “Modern Family” at 8:00 p.m. (the new episode is at 9:00). Good thing they finally got “Better Off Ted” off the air!
Psych (USA) — Some modern sci-fi luminaries in this one. Guest stars include Michael Hogan (“Battlestar Galactica’s” Col. Saul Tigh) and Northwestern alumna/Seven-of-Nine from “Star Trek: Voyager” Jeri Ryan. I totally would have Borg-ed her back in the day.
Oprah Winfrey Oscar Special (ABC) — Big-name actors and Oscar nominees interview each other! Oh my God, I think I’m ovulating!
Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Featured: Epic Beard Man. Yes, I will watch.
Nip/Tuck — (FX) — Series finale. Oops, I meant to give this top billing tonight, as the groundbreaking cable series closes with its 100th episode. But then I forgot about it, and I had already downloaded the Bowersox picture, so too bad. However, if you want to reminisce, the L.A. Times has a nice eulogy for the show.