The Bachelorette (ABC) — Jillian learns that some of the guys on the show have girlfriends. WHAT??? You mean some of the people on a reality show have priorities other than finding true love? My world is shattered.
Greek (ABC Family) — The second season finale airs tonight, but I like to pretend this show doesn’t even exist. I kind of feel that way about the entirety of ABC Family, actually.
Property Virgins (HGTV) — You never want your first house to be too big, know what I mean?
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo) — I don’t want to sound overly harsh, but I’m kind of ready for Kathy Griffin’s death on the D-List. Hmmm. In retrospect, that’s less of a zing than it is just something really awful to say. Sorry, Kathy. Kinda.
Little Parents, Big Pregnancy (Discovery Health) — A TV show about a couple of little people having their first baby. Or, more crassly: a pregnant midget. Could be a nice addition to your fetish collection.
Cake Boss (TLC) — Yeah, there’s a show about cakes on TLC, what of it? While we’re mixing fetishes, I could be down for some erotic cake S&M.