We’ve already seen new shows start and new seasons debut on channels like FX and the CW, but this week the broadcast networks roll out a ton of premieres. Enjoy the first of this week’s plus-sized listings.
The Playboy Club (NBC) — Series premiere. The terrible tag line makes me laugh. “Don’t let the fluffy tails fool you.” What’s there to be fooled by? “Viewers, please be advised: despite the ears and fluffy tails, the animals on screen are not rabbits but actually WOMEN IN BUNNY COSTUMES. Please do not assume this is a show about woodland creatures.” (Also on NBC tonight: The Sing-Off.)
2 Broke Girls (CBS) — Series premiere. I’m turned off by the premise and the way CBS always make New York City look like Los Angeles sets, but I’m turned on by Kat Dennings. I’ll give it a try.
Hawaii Five-0 (CBS) — Season premiere. Terry O’Quinn joins the cast as a SEAL officer who wears woodland camouflage that the Navy stopped wearing like six years ago (here’s the current edition). Wouldn’t it be cool if Navy SEALs could turn into the Smoke Monster? We would have wrecked bin Laden’s compound WAY sooner.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) — Season premiere. The excellent cast and Josh Radnor begin their seventh season begins with back-to-back episodes.
Two and a Half Men (CBS) — Season premiere. Handsome hobo Ashton Kutcher replaces Hollywood’s most infamous F-18.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Season premiere. Hope Solo and Elisabatta Canalis good; Nancy Grace and Chaz Bono bad. Full roster of dancers here.
Castle (ABC) — Season premiere. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IS BECKET GOING TO LIVE? Yes, of course she is.
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox) — Season premiere. This is the one where Gordon Ramsay yells at people. It is somehow different than the other two reality shows with Gordon Ramsay yelling at people.
Roast of Charlie Sheen (Comedy Central) — I know I complain a lot about how Comedy Central changed roasts from being an honor to making fun of celebrity door mats, but at the end of the day, this is a night of jokes about drugs and hookers. That’s just good programming. (P.S. Check out Burnsy’s feature on the best Comedy Central roast jokes OF ALL TIME.)