90210 (CW) — Lesbian kiss! Quel intrigue! You can read all about Jessica Lowndes’s reaction to kissing Rumer Willis right here. Try to contain your excitement!
White Collar (USA) — Season finale. I’m surprised this show has done so well with that title in a recession. My first impulse when I think about white-collar workers is to push a Wall Street trader into traffic.
The Good Wife (CBS) — Alan Cumming returns to the show, and Ana Gasteyer (“Saturday Night Live”) guest stars as a difficult judge. Man, this show really has it all: the mind-numbing dullness of politics combined with the jaw-slackening boredom of legal procedures. Finally, someone has mixed the combustible ingredients of jury duty and C-SPAN.
Lost (ABC) — It’s an episode about Ben Linus tonight. THAT IS NOT A SPOILER. However, if spoilers are what you want, follow @mattufford. I’ll be spoiling away at around 9:20 p.m. Eastern.
Dwarf Adoption Story (TLC) — Sorry, it’s a repeat. Dammit, dwarves! Can’t more of you little people adopt more midget babies?
Chopped (Food Network) — Season finale. Who cares if it’s rigged? It’s just nice to see one of the Fab Five from “Queer Eye” still working on television. In a related story, Carson Kressley is washing the semen out of his hair in a Penn Station bathroom.