South Park (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) – Season premiere. South Park returns for its 18th season tonight and will immediately dive into the controversy surrounding the Washington Redskins’ team name. Playing the first sneak peek in the D.C. market during this Sunday’s game was a masterful bit of trolling. It’s good to have South Park back.
Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) – Season premiere. It’s good to have Key & Peele back, too. The gay wedding explainer sketch they teased earlier in the week was about five kinds of brilliant. Best sketch comedy show on television right now. Don’t even think it’s very close.
Penguins: Spy in the Huddle (PBS, 8:00 p.m.) – Look, there are something like 15 season premieres and one notable season finale tonight, but if you don’t think I’m squeezing a show called Penguins: Spy in the Huddle into the listings, even if it has nothing to do with sneaky penguins playing football, then brother, you have another thing coming.
The Middle/The Goldbergs/Modern Family/Black-ish/Nashville (ABC, 8:00-11:00 p.m.) – Season premieres, all around. ABC is rolling out their entire Wednesday night lineup in one big heave, with Black-ish — which has gotten somewhat positive reviews — getting the coveted post-Modern Family time slot. Please consider this your periodic reminder that I miss Happy Endings.
The Mysteries of Laura/Law & Order: SVU/Chicago P.D. (NBC, 8:00-11:00 p.m.) – Season premieres of Law & Order: SVU and Chicago P.D., time slot premiere of The Mysteries of Laura. LADYCOPS WEDNESDAYS ON NBC. That’s basically how the network is promoting this lineup. Rizzoli and Isles must be so pissed they didn’t get invited.
Survivor/Big Brother (CBS, 8:00-11:00 p.m.) – Season premiere of Survivor, season finale Big Brother. CBS is a big fan of trapping people places. In a house, on some barely inhabited island, etc. I look forward to their next reality show, Temptation Submarine. Huge hit.
The League (FXX, 10:00 p.m.) – Tonight’s episode is titled “When Rafi Met Randy,” was written by Seth Rogen and Jason Mantzoukas, and the description is “Rafael and Randall meet in a mental institution.” OKAY.
Franklin & Bash (TNT, 10:00 p.m.) – Last week Franklin and Bash unionized the strippers of Los Angeles and Franklin made out with Bash’s mom (Jane Seymour). This week the fallout from the mom-smooching takes place and Carmen Electra appears. This show, man.
The Bridge (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Franka Potente’s character, Eleanor, absolutely terrifies me.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Patrick Dempsey, Lara Spencer, and Young Jeezy on Kimmel; Kelly Ripa and Jim Gaffigan on Letterman; Judd Apatow on Ferguson; Andy Samberg and Kevin Durant on Fallon; James Harden on Meyers; Tia Torres on Stewart; and Bill Cosby on Colbert.
