Oh no! The disembodied head of Kate Gosselin! She’s come for her haircut! RUN!
American Idol (Fox) — The two finalists did all their final singing last night, and everybody who’s into this show voted last night. All that remains is the 20 seconds it takes to announce the winner. Tonight’s show is two hours long. I hate you, Fox.
RENO 911! (Comedy Central) — George Lopez guest-stars as Reno’s mayor, so be ready not to laugh.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (ABC) — If you hated this in the theater, you’ll LOVE it with commercials!
True Hollywood Story (E!) — Tonight: Eva Longoria Parker. Oh, cool. I was looking for a reason to throw a brick at my TV.
The Cougar (TV Land) — “Now that Stacey is down to the final four guys, she’s ready to meet their families. But not all the families are thrilled about her. Travis’ mother admits she’s very concerned about the 19-year age difference between Stacey and Travis.” That’s some good parenting, Mom.
40 Dumbest Celeb Quotes Ever (VH1) — Really, it’s an embarrassment of riches tonight.
NBA Playoffs (TNT) — Game 1 of Magic-Cavaliers. From what I can tell, this is the best thing on tonight. Even if you hate basketball.