Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel, 9 p.m.) – Tony goes to Croatia to have Mediterranean food, which isn’t in my top-ten of ethnic cuisines. South Asian is, of course, the best.
Home Improvement (TV Land, 8 p.m.) – Series finale. Just in case you haven’t seen the final episode(s) of that crappy sitcom that ended 13 years ago starring the guy who wrote Don’t Stand Too Close to a Naked Man. Spoiler: they all die.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.) – Living legends Smokey Robinson, the Temptations, and Martha Reeves sing, while Urkel, the Packers third best WR, and some guy from “Camp Rock” dance. Now I’m sad.
Fist of the North Star (Showtime Extreme, 8:25 p.m.) – If you guessed that Malcolm McDowell is in this movie, you guessed right.
Smash (NBC, 10 p.m.) – Against my better judgment, I still watch “Smash,” even though it has two of TV’s most annoying characters: Ellis and Debra Messing’s son (never learned his name), who goes missing tonight. Hopefully for good. Say hi to Chuck Cunningham and Topanga’s sister for me.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jason Segel on Letterman; Jesse Tyler Ferguson on Leno; Julia Louis-Dreyfus on Kimmel; Joel McHale on Ferguson; Kathy Griffin and Morgan Spurlock on Conan; Ben Rattray on Stewart; and Don McLeroy on Stewart