Hip Hop Squares (MTV2) – “Hip Hop Squares” debuts at 11 tonight. I discussed how excited I am about this show a few weeks ago, and that excitement has not tapered off one iota. Especially since MTV has been doing things like posting videos on their website of Ghostface Killah and Fat Joe touring the set. This is exactly how you promote a television show. (Video after the jump.)
American Idol (FOX) – Part one of the two-part finale. I know we haven’t talked a lot about “American Idol” around here, but you guys are aware that one of the finalists is named Phillip Phillips, right? I know I’m prone to fits of hyperbole, but that might be the single dumbest goddamn thing I’ve ever heard.
Glee (FOX) – The students graduate in the Season 3 finale. I don’t really have much to say about “Glee,” so I’d just like to take this opportunity to tell you that I’ve had that “Call Me Maybe” song stuck in my head for five whole days.
Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – Part two of the finale. Hey, I just met you, and this is CRAZY, but here’s my number, so call me maybe. And all the other boys try to chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase me, but here’s my number so call me mayb-[eats an entire bucket of cyanide]
Deadliest Catch/The Devil’s Ride (Discovery) – Tonight’s episode of “Deadliest Catch” is titled “I Don’t Wanna Die.” I have chosen to believe this is a reference to “Tha Crossroads.”
River Monsters: Unhooked/River Monsters: Killer Weapons (Animal Planet) – The human race should have stopped trifling with nature the instant we invented cable television. It’s terrifying out there.