Franklin & Bash/Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) – Season finales. Bros. BROS. It’s the finale, bros. WE’RE GONNA F-CKING RAGE. Everyone come over at 9 for the pregame. We’re gonna do Power Hour. I made a mix and everything. MAD INCUBUS, SON. BONUS: This is the episode with the dude from American Pie. It’s gonna be SICK and/or EPIC.
Happy Endings (ABC) – This is a rerun, but it’s the one with Megan Mullally guest-starring as Penny’s mom, so there’s that. I miss this show.
20 Under 20: Transforming Tomorrow (CNBC) – This is a reality show about teenagers competing for a fellowship with a Silicon Valley venture capitalist. There is a 100% chance it makes me furious.
Top Gear (History) – Season 3 premiere. The only thing I know about cars is that if you load them up with NOS they go hecka fast, but sometimes I watch the British version of this show on mute anyway because they go really fast around corners and it looks cool. Here ends my analysis of the Top Gear franchise.
White Collar (USA) – Sometimes I honestly forget that Tiffani Thiessen is on this show. Then she’ll pop up and be like “Hey, do the right thing, you two. Follow your conscience” and I’ll be all “Oh yeah, that’s right. She’s on a cable show that starts at 9 p.m. on Tuesdays, and then Mark-Paul Gosselaar is on one that starts at 10. Weird.”
The Burn With Jeff Ross (Comedy Central) Series premiere. Basically this show looks like Jeff Ross doing a roast, but of pop-culture instead of a room full of semi-washed-up celebrities. Do with that what you will.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rebel Wilson on Kimmel; Jennifer Garner and the U.S. women’s gymnastics team on Letterman; Kelsey Grammar on Leno; Leslie Mann and Dolph Lundgren on FalloHOLD ON DID THAT SAY “DOLPH LUNDGREN”? HELL YES; Andy Samberg on Conan; and Misty May-Treanor on The Daily Show.