Whitney (NBC, 8 p.m.) – Season finale. And maybe series finale. The show still hasn’t been picked up for another season yet, which is kind of saying something given what a total disaster NBC’s lineup is right now. Most experts and blowhards are giving it a 50-50 chance of surviving, so there’s a very real chance that tonight’s back-to-back episodes will be the show’s last. Vaya con dios, I say.
Psych (USA, 10 p.m.) – Tonight is Psych‘s 100th episode, and to celebrate they are doing a Clue-themed murder mystery that viewers can affect the outcome of by voting on Twitter and the show’s website. If anyone needs me, I will be spending all night tweeting “WHAT IF AN ALIEN DID IT????” over and over and over. I doubt it will work, but it’s certainly worth a shot.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10 p.m.) – RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINEZ. A female sports reporter (Lauren Cohan from The Walking Dead) gets pregnant after her cameraman rapes her, which leads to a big whole thing about “legitimate rape.” I’m sure SVU will handle this issue with the subtlety and respect it deserv- [Ice-T kicks down door and yells at people then everyone dies of STDs THE END]
Modern Family/Suburgatory (ABC, 9 p.m.) – Fred Willard returns as Phil’s dad on Modern Family. A bunch of other stuff happens too, presumably. But that’s the story here.
Southland (TNT, 10 p.m.) – Don’t know if we’ve mentioned this here, but Southland star Ben McKenzie has already signed on as the lead in a new CBS pilot, which I’ve gotta believe is bad, bad news for Southland.
The Real World: Portland (MTV, 10 p.m.) – Season 28 premiere. Never forget that someone from this show went on to become WWE champion. Never.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Bruce Willis and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on Kimmel; Donald Trump and Gary Gulman on Letterman; Don Rickles and Radha Mitchell on Ferguson; Kristen Chenoweth and magician Justin Willman on Leno; Kathie Lee Gifford and James Purefoy on Fallon; Eva Mendes on Stewart; and Seth Green and Charles Phoenix on Conan.