Guys With Kids (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Series premiere. After reading Dustin’s review, in which he called the show “poisonously unfunny, terribly written, and outrageously stupid,” I feel confident in my pick of Guys with Kids to be the worst new series of the season. Your move, Partners.
The X Factor (Fox, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. The one with Britney Spears
The Voice (NBC, 8 p.m.) — The one without Britney Spears.
Damages (DirecTV Audience Network, 9 p.m.) — Series finale. I’d call it the best show no one’s watching, but I’m not watching it, which proves my point? Maybe? I don’t know. Is John Goodman still around?
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (TLC, 10 p.m.) — Tonight’s episode title: “Time for Sketti!” The secret ingredient is incest.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Britney Spears and Simon Cowell on Kimmel; Heather Graham on Ferguson; Amy Adams and Florence and the Machine on Fallon; and Bob Costas and Lake Bell on Conan.