Thursday Night Football Preseason: New England Patriots vs. New York Giants (NFL Network, 7:30 p.m.) — Speaking of football, I’ll be flying across country to Las Vegas on Friday for my fantasy football draft. I will try my damndest to ensure that this is the last time I mention fantasy football on Warming Glow because I know that very little annoys people who don’t play fantasy football more than other people talking about fantasy football.
Melissa & Joey (ABC Family, 8 p.m.) — Second season finale. The title to tonight’s episode is “Mel Marries Joe,” so I guess I’ve spoiled the whole damn thing for you. Bygones.
Oh Sit! (CW, 8 p.m.) — I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since this is The CW, but I really thought it was not out of the question that extreme musical chairs would be cancelled before the first episode finished airing. I was wrong. 1.3 million people watch this show, which is actually a good number for The CW.
Republican National Convention (ABC, NBC, CBS, 10 p.m.) — It is my understanding that, beginning in late September, the Romney ticket has decided that Paul Ryan will appear shirtless at all campaign events, and his body-fat percentage will be included in all campaign materials. The move will provide 98 percent of the closeted gay vote in November, just enough to allow Romney to edge out Obama in the general election.
Goon (Amazon Prime, Any Time) — Amazon Prime members can now watch Goon for free, and seriously, YOU HAVE TO. It’s one of the best hockey movies to come along in a very long time, and one hell of a rousingly great sports flick. It’s Rocky meets Slap Shot meets a mouth full of broken teeth and probably the cult hit of 2012. Trust me on this; Goon will rock your world.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS — Michelle Obama is appearing on Letterman to steal some RNC thunder, Bill Maher will smug up Leno, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is on Ferguson, and Herman Cain is on The Daily Show.