Wipeout (ABC) — If I had any notion of what’s newsworthy, I’d be leading with the premiere of “The Real World” or “The Philanthropist.” Instead, here’s a picture of Jill Wagner from “Wipeout” (click for bigger). I’m shallow!
The Philanthropist (NBC) — This eight-episode summer series is about a super-rich guy who goes to Africa and does nice things for poor people. Word on the street: eh.
The Real World: Cancun (MTV) — At last, the 22nd season finally begins. If you must watch, please put condoms over your eyes. You can never be too safe these days.
I Survived a Japanese Game Show (ABC) — I’d rather see a show about World War II vets called “I Survived a Japanese Machine Gun Emplacement.”
Monsters Inside Me (Animal Planet) — Series premiere takes a closer look at dangerous parasites. The monsters inside me tell me to strangle hobos.
Extreme Wild Parties (Travel) — Not featured: me having a fourth glass of bourbon while I check my email at 11:00 p.m.
Tattoo Highway (A&E) — Yup, nothin’ speaks to the grandeur of the American frontier like gettin’ a tattoo on the open road. It’s Kerouac for a new generation.