NCAA Basketball Tournament (CBS, 7 p.m.) — Jocks (March Madness) > Nerds (The Big Bang Theory).
Suits (USA, 9 p.m.) — Spinoff idea: Skirts. Practically writes itself.
Surviving Jack (Fox, 9:30 p.m.) — Surviving Jack, about Christopher Meloni becoming a “full-time parent,” is worth a shot because it was created by friend-of-the-site Justin Halpern, and if it’s a success, you’ll be able to say you know a big-time celebrity. Also because Christopher Meloni once humped a fridge.
Review (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.) — My review: this show is excellent. Andy Daly is excellent. Andy Daly reviewing being Batman sounds excellent. Pancakes in quantities of 15 and 30 are NOT excellent.
Portlandia (IFC, 10 p.m.) — Annie Clark, Kumail Nanjiani, and Kyle MacLachlan guest star. Those are also three people I would very much like to have a beer with. FINE, a gluten-free beer.
Scandal (ABC, 10 p.m.) — IMPORTANT: tonight’s Scandal is titled “Mama Said Knock You Out,” though “Mama Kerry Washington Said I Need to Hilariously Hide My Pregnancy Bump” works, too.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Russell Crowe, Joan Rivers, and the National on Fallon; Jason Bateman and John Legend on Kimmel; Jennifer Connelly, James Van Der Beek, and Joe Mande on Meyers; Nate Silver on Stewart; and Darren Aronofsky on Colbert.