Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) – Series premiere. We had the rundown from the critics earlier today. Verdict: Worth checking out, if only because of the track records of the people involved.
Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.) – Last week someone got drowned in a bathtub full of urine, then the PTC got upset about it, then Kurt Sutter got upset about the PTC getting upset about it. Tune in this week, when I presume someone will be murdered with nunchucks made of bones tied together with intestines and then Sutter and the head of the PTC will go egg each other’s house.
Suits (USA, 10 p.m.) – Midseason finale. I spend a not-insignificant amount of time imagining how much better my life would be if I had a Donna working for me. Part secretary, part psychic, part all-knowing seer. I would get so much more done. Send me your résumé if you’re interested. There’s no pay. And don’t touch my pretzels.
New Girl (Fox, 9 p.m.) – Season premiere. From TV Guide: “[The] third season opens with Jess and Nick impulsively heading to a Mexican beach town, but their romantic getaway is threatened when Nick runs into trouble with the authorities.” New Girl turned out to be one of the better comedies on television last season. It’s a good thing that it’s back.
The Mindy Project (Fox, 9:30 p.m.) Season premiere. Tonight marks the beginning of James Franco’s arc as rival gynecologist Dr. Paul Leotard. Do yourself a favor: say “rival gynecologist Dr. Paul Leotard” out loud a few times. It’s a real treat.
Dads (Fox, 8 p.m.) – Series premiere. Nope.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Amy Poehler and Stephen Merchant on Kimmel; Bill Murray on a repeat of Letterman; Queen Latifah and John Lloyd on Ferguson; Neil Patrick Harris and Demi Lovato on Leno; Orlando Bloom and Elvis Costello on Fallon; Diane Kruger and Steve Rannazzisi on Conan; and Jake Gyllenhaal on Stewart.