NCIS (CBS, 8 p.m.) — If you want to watch new scripted programming, basically you’re stuck with CBS tonight. NCIS is the one with Mark Harmon, right? In tonight’s episode, a mysterious illness strikes dozens of children from military families. Please let it be a zombie outbreak.
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 9 p.m.) — Back in the ’90s, my gay Dad had a huge crush on Chris O’Donnell, circa Batman and Robin. It’s all I ever think about when I see promos for NCIS: Los Angeles. You’ll be happy to know, Dad, that O’Donnell aged gracefully.
Person of Interest (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Tonight’s episode gives us a glimpse into Finch’s teen years through flashbacks. Wouldn’t it be great if they got Eddie Kaye Thomas, who plays Finch in American Pie, play young Michael Emerson, who plays Finch on Persons of Interest? Actually, there’s a fair resemblance.
The Voice (NBC, 9 p.m.) — They’re going to crown a winner tonight, who will go on to do … nothing, right? Are any Voice winners actually successful musicians?
Moonshiners (Discovery, 9 p.m.) — I didn’t know anything about this docuseries, but when the description said, “Chico is tempted to make illegal moonshine behind Tim’s back,” I wondered how they got away with making illegal moonshine on television. I looked it up, and I guess this is just a “dramatization,” although it’s created enough confusion that local police have asked Discovery to add a disclaimer saying that no illegal moonshine is actually created in the show. Discovery, for obvious reasons, ignored the request.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Paul Rudd is on Letterman; Leno has Olivia Wilde; Mark Wahlberg is on Kimmel; Ferguson has Alyssa Milano; Garry Trudeau, Cyndi Lauper, and Alan Cumming are all on The Colbert Report; Tom Hanks is on Conan, and Tom Selleck is on Arsenio.