Rick and Morty (Adult Swim, 10:30 p.m.) — The best new comedy of the season, give or take a Brooklyn Nine-Nine, returns after a too-long hiatus. It felt like 100 years.
The Bachelor (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Season finale. Our Juan Pablo nightmare is over.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — What if the Mother is the Yellow King? (Are we not doing that anymore?) Anyway, Marshall looks for Lily, and we meet Robin’s mother, played by Tracey Ullman….who gave The Simpsons a shot on her namesake show, and the Simpsons are yellow, not unlike, OK, I’ll stop.
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.) — Archer travels to Colombia on a secret mission and gets drunk. OK!
Believe (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Early reviews haven’t been kind, but after nine straight months of BELIEVE IN ALFONSO CUARON promos, NBC has worn me down. Bring on the psycho girl, or whatever.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: John McCain and Erin Andrews on Letterman; Kristen Bell, Steve Harvey, and Bobby McFerrin on Fallon; Seth Rogen, Snoop Dogg, and White Denim on Kimmel; Emily Mortimer on Ferguson; Andy Samberg, Busy Philipps, Abbi Jacobson, and Ilana Glazer on Meyers; Kevin Nealon and Warpaint on Conan; Paul Scheer on Holmes; Paul Taylor on Stewart; and Neil deGrasse Tyson on Colbert.