How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Slapsgiving 3! Caught in a slap, can’t walk out…
2 Broke Girls (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) — During football this weekend, every time that terrible CBS promo with the 1 Broke Girl saying, “We have the two things we need right here,” or whatever, to the other Broke Girl came on, I replied, “KAT DENNINGS’S BOOBS.” I watched the games by myself.
Sleepy Hollow (Fox, 9 p.m.) — Meanwhile, Fox’s promos for Sleepy Hollow made it VERY clear there are only three episodes left. Maybe between season, Crane can dry clean his disgusting coat.
Archer/Chozen (FX, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. You might have heard Archer is back. Might.
The Blacklist (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Internal affairs tries to find a mole on the team. Whenever I hear the word “mole,” I think of Austin Powers. I don’t miss people saying “moley-moley-moley.”
Rick and Morty (Adult Swim, 10:30 p.m.) — Tonight’s episode title: “M. Night Shaym-Aliens!” Well done.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Bill Cosby and Sleigh Bells on Letterman; Anderson Cooper and Aaron Eckhart on Leno; Kevin Costner on Kimmel; Kevin Bacon on Ferguson; Queen Latifah and Jon Bernthal on Fallon; Courteney Cox and John Leguizamo on Conan; Roger Ross Williams on Stewart; and David Fanning on Colbert.