Top Chef Masters (Bravo, 10:00 p.m.) – On tonight’s episode, the chefs will prepare a Mexican-themed meal for the guests at a burlesque show featuring wrestling troupe Lucha Vavoom. If this episode brings nothing to the table other than the screencap at the top of this post, it will still be deserving of all the Emmys you can pile on a dessert cart.
The Bridge (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – See, the fun thing about The Bridge is that anytime you make a neutral statement about it, very defensive viewers of the show assume you’re trashing it. I don’t know why that is. Although if any of you want to give me $500,000 to research this, I will gladly accept and then flee to Monte Carlo with the money.
It’s Always Sunny/The League (FXX, 10-11:00 p.m.) – YO. HOW BOUT THAT SETH COHEN SIGHTING ON THE LEAGUE LAST WEEK?
X Factor/Masterchef (Fox, 8-10:00 p.m.) – Season premiere of X Factor, season finale of MasterChef. Neither of these shows feature a wrestler in a chicken costume triumphantly flexing for a group of assuredly confused chefs. F-
Camp/Royal Pains (NBC/USA, 10:00/9:00 p.m.) – Season finales, both. Tonight’s episode of Camp features the annual Camp Olympics. I really hope there’s a scene where a small kid is sitting on a huge raft and a big fat kid jumps on it from the pier and sends the small kid rocketing into orbit. That’s how you can tell it’s a good show/movie about camp.
Nova (PBS, 9:00 p.m.) – Tonight’s episode is about the construction of the new One World Trade Center. If this is your kind of thing, here you go.
Thieves, Inc. (Food Network, 10:30 p.m.) – From TV Guide: “A busy New York store specializing in gourmet groceries falls victim to the least suspicious-looking thieves in the opener of this reality series, which features a pair of shoplifting experts who offer food businesses their advice on how to reduce stealing.” This is either the dumbest or best idea for a show. I’ll update you when I figure it out. (I will not update you.)
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tim Gunn is on Kimmel; Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Keith Olbermann, and Keith Urban are on Letterman; Max Greenfield and Amy Smart are on Ferguson; Charlie Sheen and Jim Rome are on Leno; Ricky Gervais, Michael Shannon, and MGMT are on Fallon; David Cross and Bob Odenkirk (DVR ALERT) are on Stewart; and Rose Byrne and Ike Barinholtz are on Conan.