Okay, five things:
1) Last night on Wheel of Fortune a contestant looked at the board in the video above, said “I’ll solve the puzzle,” and then proudly stated “I Have The Wine By Johnny Cash.”
2) “I Have the Wine” is not, to my knowledge, the title of a song Johnny Cash ever recorded. “I Walk the Line” on the other hand — the answer they were looking for — is both the title of one of his most famous songs and the title of a movie about his life starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon.
3) I have thought about this a lot since I saw it happen last night, and now I kind of wish Johnny Cash HAD made a song titled “I Have the Wine.” It could have been a sad tale about a hard-luck criminal who robbed a Wine & Spirits store, or a ballad about a priest who invites a troubled church member to confess his sins over a bottle of sacramental wine, or just a song about Johnny Cash, like, having a sh-tload of merlot. I don’t know, I’m not the artist here. I’m just a fan of Johnny Cash and songs about wine.
4) It would also be okay with me if one of you made a Weird Al-style parody of “I Walk the Line” called “I Have the Wine.” Here, I’ll get you started:
I keep a close watch on this jug of mine
I keep my eyes half-focused on the vines
I keep the cork out ’cause it saves some time
Because it’s mine, I have the wine
I’m sure you can handle it from there.
5) The last time I wrote about Wheel of Fortune I received a 600 word email from a furious superfan named Mario, who was upset at both my tone and “sheer unprofessionalsim,” that said “If you ever plan on writing anything about Wheel of Fortune again, please remain civilized, avoid any bias, don’t mention other TV shows if they weren’t involved, and get your facts straight (I or another fan from the forum I am a part of would be happy to answer any questions about the show if you have any).” I just wanted you all to know that.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
…there is a Wheel of Fortune forum?
The worst part about Wheel of Fortune – and there are many – is that Pete and Vona are both very ugly.
*waits silently*
And eternal. I will admit I’ve watched the show maybe 5 times in the last decade, but every time I tune in, they don’t seem to have aged.
I’ve been saying for years that the fountain of youth is underneath that wheel.
Um…. so I guess she forgot the H and E were already guessed, which I figured out because the puzzle board had two Hs and two Es showing already.
I really wish the next contestant was independently wealthy and/or had no fucks to give, and had announced the solution as “I Paid the Fine by Johnny Bach”
Why didn’t she wait until she got the Daily Double
Curious as to Mario’s thoughts on the whole naggers controversy:
[www.southparkstudios.com]
I feel the pain a comin”
It’s throbbin’ in my head.
And I ain’t seen the doctor
Since, I don’t know when.
I’m stuck in County General.
Waiting for the nurse.
But, the pain keeps a comin’
Feels like it’s getting worse.
When I was just a young boy
My father told me son.
Better play it safe, boy
Don’t fool around with guns.
But I shot myself in Reno.
In my upper thigh
Now they wrote me scrips for Demoral
Guess I’ll be getting high.
That’s… not at all bad.
+1
DG,
If you think the “Wheel Watchers” are crazy, I dare you to post something about “Supermarket Sweep”.
Wait…is that still on? Fucking loved that show…grab the frozen turkeys! THE FROZEN TURKEYS YOU IDIOT!
If he posted anything negative about Supermarket Sweep, he’d have hell to pay from me.
They should have immediately kicked her off the show after that answer.
She must be a big fan of his other songs, “A Toy Named Due” and “Sing of Tire.”
heh
Mario sounds like a party animal. He should get all the wine.
NAGGERS!
Shouldn’t the line in the new song be, “I keep my eyes half open all the time?”
Danger, you watch entirely too much Jeopardy.
It took me a second to actually remember what the song title was.
“Isn’t it just All The Wine!?” the idiot thinks to himself.
My parents, who are nightly watchers of ‘Wheel’ as they call it, were quick to share this with me last night. I also believe that nightly watchers of “Wheel” are called “Wheelies”.
I want to know more about this Mario fella.
You and every other hot Wheel Forum babe.
/Assumes Wheel Forum is like Penthouse Forum.
//Ask your uncle.
Pat’s little joke afterward was gold.
Can we just put all people who don’t get comedy writing on an island somewhere and comedy-write them a hilarious death?
You were quoted on Jezebel.