Which Italian-Americans Should Be Eaten by ‘Jersey Shore Shark Attacks’ Next?

12.06.11 6 years ago 21 Comments

OH, so I was talking to Tony “The Big Bologna” Carconi here and I sees on the Entertainment Weekly that…OK, no more of that. It’s fun talking in Italian-American for about three seconds, then you begin to feel WASP’y and want some gabagool — and it’s way too early for some gabagool. Anyways, EW broke the news yesterday that SyFy’s next monster-hybrid thing will be called:

“Jersey Shore Shark Attack” unfolds during the July Fourth weekend at – where else? — the Jersey Shore, where rare swarms of sharks are converging due to illegal underwater drilling. Now the angry sharks are on a rampage, devouring residents, and leaving it up to the locals to try and save the day.

Best of all, it’s set to star Tony Sirico (“The Sopranos”), Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas), Jack Scalia (“Dallas”), Joey Fatone (‘N Sync), and William Atherton (Die Hard). That’s an extremely promising start, but I can’t help but feel the producers could have cast a few more Italian-American stereotypes to be eaten by giant sharks.

I’ve included some helpful suggestions — with photographic evidence — after the jump. Please share yours, too.

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