Spoiler alert: Last Call host Carson Daly, who has been inside both Jennifer Love Hewitt and your heart, hosts one of the more promising sounding New Year’s Eve specials on Monday. That’s how weak this year’s crop of ball drop coverage is, which is something we probably say every year, but we didn’t really mean it until now.
Daly and co-host Office star Angela Kinsey welcome Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman to their New Year’s Eve Live. That’s good. They’ll do the same for Donald Trump and Train. That’s bad. Pick your poison, I guess, or just watch the Veep marathon on HBO Comedy. But if you’re a masochistic who makes an annual tradition of watching people freeze their asses off in Times Square, here’s our guide to the best and worst NYE specials.
Choices are sorted by: hell no, *shrug*, and YES PLEASE.
New Year’s Rockin’ Eve (ABC, 10 p.m.)
Host: Ryan Seacrest
Guests: Jenny McCarthy, Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen, Neon Trees, Fergie, Brandy, Flo Rida, Karmin, OneRepublic, Ellie Goulding, and Pitbull.
New Year’s Eve Live (Fox, 10 p.m.)
Host: Marlon Wayans
Guests: Tate Stevens, Lifehouse, and Carmen Electra
All American New Year (Fox News, 11 p.m.)
Host(s): Bill Hemmer and Megyn Kelly
Guests: Pat Benatar, Sarah Brightman, and Million Dollar Quartet cast
Club NYE (11 p.m., MTV)
Host(s): Snooki and JWoww
Guests: Ne-Yo, Rita Ora, Conor Maynard, Sean Kingston, and Ke$ha
New Year’s Eve Live (NBC, 10 p.m.)
Host(s): Carson Daly and Angela Kinsey (The Office)
Guests: Train, Cassadee Pope, Amy Poehler, Blake Shelton, Adam Levine, CeeLo Green, Christina Aguilera, Donald Trump, Jay Leno, and Jimmy Fallon
New Year’s Eve Live (CNN, 10 p.m.)
Host(s): Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin
Eric Andre New Year’s Eve Spooktacular (Adult Swim, 11:30 p.m.)
Host: Eric Andre
Guests: Demi Lovato, Sebastian Bach, Omarosa, Kevin Sorbo, John Kricfalusi, and Hannibal Buress
Holy crap, TV is awful on NYE. The obvious choice is Andre’s special, but if you want more traditional coverage, I guess go with Daly and NBC, if only because Poehler and Offerman will show up at some point. There’s one more option on Showtime, for those who hates themselves and New Year’s, in that order.
Yup, it’s Dice Clay’s first standup special in 17 years. HICKORY DICKORY DOCK MY BALLS ARE GONNA DROP WHEN SHE’S SUCKING MY…I’m sure the Dice Man will finish the joke on Monday.